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Lolita Portal






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Related article: Date: Wednesday, March 22, 2000 05th 59th 37 EST From: ZELGADYSS aol. com Subject: Brian Solitude 7, Tues 20 to 21 OK this is my first time in a story like this, I have read many of the files from I loved it. This is about me, my life and my fantasies with and Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys. I am in no way implies anything of the sexuality of the Backstreet Boys, and if not 18 GIT ! enjoy and e- mail to Zelgadyss AOL. com with the comments of the story good or bad. Remember, it's my first time, and any resemblance to other s stories, I feel completely happened and about the accident. part 20.. going to get along quite quickly now * laughs *, but sure I a more consistent message. All is well in the land of Paradise Lost Iceland. So without further ado, let's see what will happen. Additional note: Congratulations to Kevin and Brian on their engagement. All your days with happiness and joy music has brought us to be filled in and fans can find and allou really want in life with the mate, who married J 7 Let n Brian is loneliness Part n 20 Jon As we walked, I could feel the energy of the place and stay n me. I felt better in many ways, spiritually, I felt the healing. beyond the s was slowly seeping out of my heart, where it had delivered to me. memory effect had to stop for years, never completely move in my life. I kept these feelings for so long that I absolutely could gown 'm away from my body. I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulder when I went with Brian. As for him, I could feel that what s close, but was so far from me. At least mentally. There was a great distance emotional, but I had to ask, was I who kept the distance , I was hurt, but I learned from all my past things that hold on to, the injured , and clung to past pain often instead of the future at bay. Stop doing things you like. as we went , butI always thought, ignoring the fact that Brian was there s me. I think he said something, but I could not recognize the words. I felt the circle pattern is repeated, and I was to do it. little smile replaced the normal aspect of depression that my face adorns if a neutral position and think about what I could finally feel the past n and left me, as I worked with him piece by piece. I had ignored the majority of Brian of the way, n when he was up and I pushed him, not observing exactly n wherever he went. "Oops, OK, Brian? " I looked to see if I was doing hurt him. Miró gave me a very funny. I laughed almost see his eyes, he looked so cute. " Jon, what is wrong with you. 's Really out of it lately. His mind s seem to have strayed far from here. And so ingrained that refuses to leave? " Said Brian with such honest look at the face of his s. So I looked up and smiled. He had a genuine smile that people have not seen save me so long to BrianIt was almost as bright as the moon. Brian 's face became that of a confused child. He tried read me, but not many people were always able to do that, because my mind was always beating, and changed my mind. It is difficult to read the mind of a Chameleon n mind. But in his eyes I could see nothing but the best, seek help, but also worry a bit. It made me wonder if my choice of n return home disturbed and upset. No, I think I knew that the n le annoying. You should be worried that I will never see again. But I had to go home. I had to take at least one or two weeks, just analyze the situation that I am.. and then decide where to take them wherever to take the relationship. As far as Lolita Portal I 'm ready to go to this man, and I love him. Well, I knew I loved him, but I wanted to be really sure that I loved him, without a shadow of doubt. And I knew the only way I could understand n , which was some time alone and think. I had to make sure n of this law. I decid name on the label, as I had an idea. The noise of the eyes were having getting stronger, so I figured something happened. So I left, and Brian, the choice of the moment, and went to see what was happening at all. I could see the boys feverishly try to kindle a fire, a helicopter flew over them, but apparently not end. Now I had a lot of wood, but the great fire began at a time, is small. So I went from there. "OK OK OK, MOVE! I'm not a big fire quickly with 5 people on the road. " I said when I put in little things, of paper from my notebook for the fire to start again I cheated and lit a match for the sake of time and cause of sanity. N Within 10 minutes, or I was a considerable fire going. Unfortunately, there was a lot smoke makes good firewood, so I had to think fast. I began to search of leaves, but all I found palm leaves. " Well, they have to do. Guys, I need some branches of palm leaves. I just hope they burn and produce a largand the amount of smoke. " The boys had done what he said, n ick of his career was about to throw it all at once. " Nick, not all at once, that drown the fire. " I had to smile in tho enthusiasm. I took one of the largest branches and kept them from the fire. It soon caught fire and there was a lot of black smoke. I got to the gods I knew that I try not to do so, the pain planets, but only to indicate that the aircraft was. disappeared after about half an hour, palm branch. " Now you are going to burn another Jon? " I saw AJ to curiosity. " No.. Or touch. Smoking is dangerous, and will be a waiting time shortly before shooting another, I can not hear anyway helicopter. "Brutus, as when the time comes, I heard the faint sound of a helicopter just to prove I am not mistaken, approaching the island. So she did everything she began recording a children No palm, a rolling cloud of smoke to show that they were there. Soon the helicopter was seen above the head, and decent in the shar small area that haded for a week and a half. It blew sand and blankets everywhere, and it has landed. Blow the fire in the process good. I covered my eyes, so that the sand was not expelled fly in it. I think AJ was with his omnipresent sunglasses the only s not protect your eyes from the helicopter. As soon as we landed, and the propellers some people stopped by the Coast Guard came to medical kits, looks around to make sure nobody was hurt. ' N all the is right? " One of the doctors asked. Immediately all eyes were on me. " What I was right in the middle of a hurricane and a tree fell on me, s why we all looked at me like that? " With that I tried to laugh, Brian gave me a look that your pain, are on the rise, he said. Kevin had a seems to want to add me laugh, Howie and AJ had sympathy seems to remember what had happened. ooked to me as if I was crazy to say that I, like a normal, said days. The truth is that I hated hospitals and doctors, and I had to rescue a subtle limping, bruises and cuts that were not bad. I would like to heal in a week or two. However, the paramedics had looked at my hand to my side. She was hitting the bruises to himself if he wanted to mourn or cry. I refused, I have only one thing in my the lower lip so hard, in fact, could taste blood, and clenched my eyes shut determined not to let the person I saw was wounded. Finally, they note , which I did. "Okay son, you're going to jump on the n hospital, if you do not help here, so am sure you will. " I shrugged my plan to go back, as I was thinking ways out of is. The doctor quickly gave everyone a while to see if someone is injured gave me a very dirty look, and then gave us the level of. Between the two paramedics and 8 of us, it would take up to 2 helicopter had to rescue two of the other, not far, thy generated in the second. They began to argue about who should go on the helicopter. is Kevin and Nick supposed to be in it. Brian wanted to with Kevin. I was in, Nick goes through that one, although the look I n him. I was definitely honing my evil eye on these guys lately. When I moved in the helicopter, I was closer to Brian and Nick feels me. You could see the desire to Kevin to keep your eyes on Nick, and Nick Lolita Portal s eyes was thinking about a desire to look as if you were planning something big n says a prayer at the last minute that would work. But he was a person who had a difficulties with reading, like me, your mind is always on the go route n planning and sometimes hidden. as the helicopter had flown to the Coast Guard station could see about 30 people were waiting in the arrival area inside, but You know, when both the family was there, the team camera is not too behind him. I saw a look in the eyes of Brian, as he smiled to greetKevin and meters Nick had the same appearance as well. It was a look of joy to see her families currently affected were on the main road to see the runway guys. Both helicopters landed safely now, and all the people ran to see their families as the children were too late to see their families. I let it all go, and Gracie in the race, and only took a step back. I entered the season for hot chocolate and relax and let them have all of his time in the sun with family and friends. One of the paramedics arrived up to me and I looked over to try to find, Gracie, who, surprisingly, found her "mama" and " Dad. " Two other people I did not like, but I was glad to that were here for them. "Sir, you should seek a doctor, by of the rights that are no longer alive, hit a tree, and is in a storm " Once again, looked away from the paramedics do not feel bad, and began to a look at Jackie 's face, having heard what had happened. There were blows, , then the horror. Disbelief, shock again.. ad then stayed. She had the rest of the kids in tow, and I was drinking my hot chocolate and watched every foot in " Lady, I thank all of his attempts to do, but I'll be fine, I No plan to go home and rest. After getting a good week off, go to to get a new job, but I'm fine. "I said this in a whisper, so I was expecting as few people as possible I could hear. Jackie worked for the lower jaw, and Brian has a tear in his eye, he refused to drop. Nick looked at me.. that s were a bit too close not to hear, I think. " So it really makes Jon? " Said Nick, an innocent way, it was cute. He had the biggest puppy dog eyes on it, I almost had to laugh. Another part wanted to mourn and to in his eyes were too good, I was surprised there has to be gone for to the murder through the eyes of the sun " Yes Nick, I really am. " I said flatly, and of course people simply more and more come to the small area, and the place was always full, n , but it feels like all eyes on me instad of the boys, which is in importance. I could see, Harold, brother of Brian tried in the wings, are presented, as if mourn. He was livid, but I could not blame, I? I mean, he saw his brother dead, but I knew that my heart is as hurt. I know I have to pull him over, because then more easily. with or without Brian had to go further. I looked up and saw a limousine is pulling an, and were escorted to a meeting, and thinned the room to see the press conference. Jackie stayed behind, and I think Harold wanted, but just looked at him. I always thought how fun it is that the family can look a certain way and the desired response. These are some of the people from their pain and manage to find a way through n it. I tend to be executed. Its all I knew to do in life has been executed. I held my ​​little world hidden in the background, no one came, no one could harm me. Almost everyone had done to me can hurt... People hear everything that happened so is a child and say howI was able to cope with everything and go as I. If only I had known I had fear, fear of death in the world, I wonder if they think I would be so strong. It's true, yes, I managed survive many things, but at what cost? The cost to me, even off out by the world, in my infinite possibilities for learning in the world, I have learned not to , some of the basics. I had forgotten about it, if I ever met. I had forgotten , as we forgive a mistake. I had forgotten how easy it should be avoided, and how painful it was, I had forgotten how to deal with in my opinion, heart and not my brain. I have to leave my need to survive my ones. What price is the survival value ? Was I willing to live a life alone solo? Jackie looked at me, and I think she knew I thought, and she s looking to have at least won his composure. "Exit Jon, why him, I thought I loved him, I mean, Lolita Portal what could have happened , which was so bad to lose its value from something as big as love? " I No point of viewed in it... and saw.... and tried to speak but nothing came. closed the mouth re-think what to say and how. Only one word came out Tho. "Fear ". That was my only answer was afraid to forgive, for fear that the pain, the fear that if given Lolita Portal a chance, Lolita Portal it hurt a lot worse, , and perhaps would not survive this time pain in the heart. My mind was spinning, I have seen so many pictures in my head, I saw it would be if n it again in my life. If I could learn to forgive can learn, I, Forget? Could you learn, as I wanted to love love. And not just once, I'm sure I could answer my own questions, all I knew was Brian 's heart was tear, and could not do anything to help, it was me and me alone n \\ \\ Who can change. Deep down I know I felt, I think I met in the n So he said it was. And deep down I knew. "Jon, that fear only the rule of your life if you allow it, and when you let fear dictate each of its the action so you can live as you can. really be alone forever, because of his fear of harm ? If you never had the chance and risk a little, how can we expect to be loved again? It is not the happy time to make the great love that is when you think your not wearing a , and if you look at your site, because there is someone, someone so s great that no matter what benefits you want to fight and give everything, what. These are the times when you really love, and learn. To grow. " looked at me and nodded as I finished my cocoa. I got up slowly on, and smiled," Thank you Jackie, says Brian told me, Please leave, I must leave now. "She looked at me and nodded her tried everything from them, and still could not think without success. " That's what I Jon, you really ? "I just nodded to her. " I will be Jackie, and one day I could see what I could or not, and perhaps , not want. But I have to follow my heart and now says I have to go. You can be hurt, or can beThe only way I always knew how much you can with pain alone. Or it could even be that I run, I can even explain all the things in my head, I know I have to go to at the moment. I have to get away from what happens to all that is happening. And the kids need me now two away, and see why, if not already done so. " She looked at me funny as if to say why, but I nodded and walked away. I saw Gracie and his" family "a as well as taxis, I thought he Lolita Portal went home, my only question is how is given the option, and even more if they agreed or not, but it was not a much I could do it, people have to repeat the vicious circle pattern trends n in life, and his parents had a pattern that had not been removed. s called a taxi passing by, and asked the airport, n and had a ticket waiting for me, because management BSB had taken, the rules. in fact, they had managed to keep a lot of rules for me, because I found secluded normal terminal, Lolita Portal where the most people. I thought it was just because my face was in the news n a great deal of time, and she wanted me not because they are intimidated, the accident and it is not. I dried them, looked at the terminal s, , who was on MTV, which is strange for an airport BEYOND. But I saw any case, when they went to special live coverage of the Backstreet Boys Conference. I could still see the pain in the eyes of Brian hid it well tho for the camera and seemed very happy, as if he was happy, Lolita Portal in the home. Kevin and Nick sat next to each other, but kept their distance and have been careful. I thought she has a cute couple. I saw AJ and Howie half looking around the crowd, so they suspected was Gracie. Or for me this issue, because none of them knew that when I left, so that I assumed would be there. " What's it like on the island of men? " It became, by a young reporter in the shadows of the crowd, everyone saw the rest, and DecemberIdedir all responded, again with those looks that said, I smiled to see how close they were. Kevin spoke first: "It was hard First, we were very prepared. Howie hit his head, and no us really knew what was going on. Would not it be a good friend of ours warned us \\ \\ n felt little belt, and more may have been violated by us. "Nick from there and took part of it" and he was also the we have to stop, shouting people and start the setup. a room, and makes the thin n and a fire, which was really together, " Brian was next to the line and took n to think for a moment and then added: " he saved my life, and faced a hurricane to him with a tree, found the most beautiful, and as demonstrated, I No, I had never seen her so beautiful. " I swear I saw a form tear, and then quickly approached Howie carefully: "All of us gives us that is needed, but when it really mattered if you do not know what to do, all the tools in the world not matter. "And then grab a Howie AJ Noogie "I know what to do all the time, I'll leave that to us, so playing could! " Then he smiled to show he was joking people s is lighten the mood. The same reporter shouted a question calls to listen, but in the newspaper industry, I am sure that s all they have, as you could see. "Now this man sounds like a regular hero. Where and who is he? " seemed that even the wrong question, but the boys s fair to say that they have been through a lot and the second exit question n. I saw Nick look away, and Brian looked like it had seen a ghost. no do not know how or what to say. So I pulled the phone to me Brian on the island must have in my backpack. It's amazing how people forget some of the things again, but maybe it was for a reason, and I chose the main types of online PR. " Hello, yes, I'm watching the news, live coverage of what is press conference, and it seems they want to hear from me, ad / or do me. And fight the guys, if I want to patch through Give a brief response to questions, but I'm not on TV and not MTV with my way of seeing and feeling, and the need to be at home. "I heard the order, yes uh huh, I mean, I knew that was rescued, but had to. I did not want the children to lie, and it was obvious that no one wanted to answer with , Kevin was ready to talk about when he saw a sign that the public relations man. immediately backed off and waited a minute to see a , which occurred when he was not sure what really meant anyway. " Hello? "He said on the phone, and seconds later I heard my voice on TV, and a shift in the bottom, I read " The voice of Jonathan Burke " surprised that it is spelled correctly, and to mute the TV cause any complications ". Well, I was watching TV and saw the interview, and all that wanted to know who he was and where he was. Well, I am always ready for a plane home for me at this time. "As soon as I said, I wish I had, the boys could see clearly shrug, and their faces were so sad. "But I name is Jonathan Burke, and make it sound like a hero, but all that is , has a people prepared. The only thing I did was what I knew I had to do, and Scouts I was trained to do when I was younger. was really something, n I think that helped make a few makeshift tents and a fire, one of the that they could. AJ.... but, because he thought he could "and I laughed a show, I tried to lighten the mood too, but none of the boys seemed ot laugh. " Well, I hope that clarifies to me that I am and where I am, is turned off, since my board the aircraft hold, please contact the boys, and I all I really miss you. Remember I'll always be there when you need friend, and Brian SHHHHHHHHHH !!!!! If you tell the world about this place on the island is a popular vacation spot and the beauty is ruined! And the kids SMILE! your house now. Bye -Bye ". And I hung up. 7 Brian sea of ​​loneliness is part 21 Jon n When I boarded the plane and put on my coat, I started thinking about all the things , good and bad, through the last month been. I I remembered all the happy times, and kicked by the girls, I capsized remembered when I met them, then the hamburger stand. I reminds me that I get to the hospital... no small feat I assure , and I remembered all the loving glances. I was reminded of the time at s no way I never have forgotten or never want to forget. There was a chapter in the life of my s I was not sure whether he was ready to close, or wanted. Maybe I was running, I was not about to recover. But in any case, I knew deep in my heart that I am the man she loved was always on a plane out. I think I had to think hard about when not to disappeared. I left behind and there. They call themselves and have to touch, because he asked me ? Only time will tell, but I had to begin nliving my life and start my own person. I had to push Brian 's thoughts in my head and start going forward, unfortunately, the mind of my s had other ideas and was in his own operation, every time I closed my ​​eyes, or heard of a name in the winds, which even seemed as if the tree waved his own name, as I learned that worry me in the middle to leave. But part of me said I needed time off, this time would be I'm sure one way or another, what should be done, and if I were to say that we become. Since the flight went, I heard the usual ads that actually try to dumb things down.. perhaps too, I mean, then? can tape on the right track there is a small problem here, I mean, your push and click. But just humor the stewardess, and not as they said, , and finally my opinion, as to the way it was, fell to sleep. I started to dream about the lost island paradise cove used to go in the middle of nowhere. In the midst of a desert island, that have the worst moment in the life of a person, I could not find one of the most important things I had ever seen. It was pure, unsullied n by the greed of Lolita Portal people. Free of contaminants that people seem raw put in almost everything they touch. That I am as guilty as the next. I dreamed of the time fly with the birds, free n as the wind. I remember the feeling of complete happiness comes over me as I reveled in the pure beauty of nature. One of the Lolita Portal things you do not have enough in life is to enjoy the simple beauty of things. The beauty that before disappears. Too often, no less than a minute, stop by and things in nature, the beauty of a tree are the leaves fall and flowers in midsummer. It got down to the simplest things in life. and then there was the face of Brian. **** Back to the Conference of The end of the interview the guys had to hear. Brian did his best to remain in his seat andNo, after leaving it, but the feeling was too n much for him. The guys all realize what would happen, and Kevin stood up and told the audience "I'm Sorry folks, but it was really emotional day, and I 'm afraid we have to go. " with this return to Brian and was waiting long enough for the excuse to say, and then exit in the area. When he returned, he saw his mother waiting for the appearance on his face that said he knew he was hurt. He went directly to her and the tears began to fall. One by one the tears broke his face, and cried on his shoulder. He had heard the call, and Nick had a some tears on his face as he hugged Kevin nearby. Kevin was so close to barely breathe, but could not bear to know Nick was injured, and the touch of new Nick. But I was not sure if he was here to console Nick. AJ and Howie was about to mourn. Since I played all the different ways in the short time I was theree. Jackie was able to feel her son because she was at this point in your with a love of life once they leave, but was never sure that his true love. In fact it was a blessing in disguise, since shortly after Harold met and had a wonderful life for herself and her children whom she loved n very much. She could only wonder if that's what happened here, but deep down I knew that was not there. She knew her true love go without a fight, and could not for the life of his character out, to say why or what I was all I could do what they do at their best, to the console child and hope that it worked. ***** Back in Worcester s I had my little apartment after landing in get Boston. Some things never change. The airport was full and there was no waiting for me. I caught myself thinking, if someone cared enough at the airport waiting for me, but I went home. My machine has a couple of questions messages, without doubt, the people, why was not named, but Idid not bother to check, because all I wanted to do was, to a beautiful, long, hot shower and let the water wash the grim in recent weeks. that I s, and clear my head up and sit on some TV shows to watch. what but not put my stuff, even unpacked I went straight to bathroom and started in hot water, enough cold water to release I knew I could be in the shower and burn. I quickly stripped and jumped into the shower, waterfall by the whole body. I stood there for a while, probably about half an hour, and all I could think of was Brian. I just slowly fall to the bottom of the tub and called out, not being there, because no forgiveness, and not honest with me. It could, in my quest to keep people not to be hurt, I had gotten hurt me more than anyone n. Finally I went out and finished, more because the water was cold n than anything else, and finally turned on the machine to get my messages, * beeeeep ! * " You have 5 posts " the mechanical voice told me. "Message a" I heard the voice of James poured into the room, " Hey Jon, where have you been 've heard that at one time, okay? Call me, love ya JGG "I smiled at his voice, it is true that he had not always called. "Message 2 " and I had to write the platform he needed to become a memory. "Hello Jon is Kate, have not heard of you.. in.. well, almost always, where they a disappear? Did something happen? Call me Jon, and the way that sweeeeeet picture JC, you have to see yet. Later, Kate. "I smiled, he could always find a way to put a smile on my face. "Message three", "Jon, where do you go, I have not seen you online, or heard of you in recent weeks, the James hun, and I'm concerned, give me a ring JGG luv ya : "I saw the pad, and a marked XX Santiago to show the name, twice. "Message of Four", "Hi Jon, " a cold is heard, as if the person was crying in the the other end. "Jon is there.. Nick: " II heard him say that now my ​​heart sank, but at least I knew that Nick is still the number. "Jon, I I can not, I can not believe it belongs to the left. We just got the phone call and your were really right? Well, I think you need for all you have thanks s helped us to explain, especially on the island, and call the station, so that not have to know who you were, was very pleasant, nice of you. "I always listen to Nick drowning, it was on the phone when I had Kevin was waiting there to celebrate, it sounded like everything I wanted to until now, was something solid and stable and there. "Well, I have to go Jon 'll see you later, Nick. " I could hear a couple of colds, before hanging up the phone. And I wrote down his name and saw that my keyboard was covered with tears. I not realize I was crying, but I do. I can leave much of me, not them, and never could. "Message of Five," an attempt at voice phone ".. the Brian Jon, I just called, thank you for everything you've done, to us. I knew it was wrong of me to get the phone number as I did, , but I had to call and tell you I love you still, Jon and I want to be with you.... I can not imagine it without you, but is now a bitter reality. Please re- Jon, the only thing I miss, especially for me. If not, Please at least give us a call and let us know your permission, do not stop, Friends with the kids, because of what I did is not fair to them. You do not have n is sufficiently real good friends, and s not fair to our problems, to hurt par. "I heard the desperation in her voice and pure feelings, I knew I had to do much for him, that phone call, but do not know how yet n or more of what they do. My head was spinning and felt a great pain in my head. I ran to the bathroom, and began to vomit, I feel my knot in my stomach and my head was pounding. I knew it was a migraine if sense of was so intense, burning eyes and the light was actually feeding headache. , I slowly found my way to bedand put in the face with a thick blanket to keep the light and fell into an intermittent break. My head hurt there, No end, after looking at my watch I realized it was just a couple of hours later I went to bed, so I figured it was for a couple of hours per day and the cause of the headache was gone and I know he has an n to make a lot of rest, and two, there was another message on the machine, but ignored, not really in the mood to listen anyone at this time I just wanted to be alone in my misery. Funny how they say, misery loves business, I found only one reason I like. I got up and signed on -line, check another thing I had not done in a long time, and started my e- mail. Or rather, see, I had 823 e-mails and decided not to. So I made dinner, and have a soda, and began to write E -mail to greet people and people trapped in the back. I talked to Kate as 2 hours and was still raving about the image most beautiful he had to JCand, and I laughed. Even when I told him all about what had happened (if not Gracie), there was no way that I believe. But we only talked for a while about everything and nothing all Lolita Portal at a time. Then the phone rang as soon as he hung up the phone. I thought it was Kate once told me, as I was going to see this picture, so he answered with a smile, Lolita Portal then a confused James " Hello Kate, yes Image, JC, e- mail, gotcha. " voice was heard n to " What about JC hun? e -mail? and James, I can not believe n and forgot that Ham. " He could not help smiling at the other end to hear. It was always so cheerful. It took a lot of that down. " Well, I called a for check -in, nothing heard from you in a while I wanted to make sure that all was fine. " "Yes James, Lolita Portal that all is well. " I tried to hide all the pain and disappointment in his voice, but I should have known that s better with James, he was not with them. "Well, Jon, you know I 'mn here if your ready to talk, I know what is bothering you, butTell me when your ready. " We had gone alone and continues as if nothing had happened is happening and not a second had passed since he spoke last time it was really very refreshing, picked up the phone and smiled. \\ \\ n TBC.... I know you must keep for a while now, and I wanted to bring much more in this release s, but I think it is much more until the next version ( no this is not the end, no J ), so until next time, this is Jon. PS. I HOPE all ( and girls) get to support Brian and Kevin in his decision \\ \\ n married, I mean, should not have to say, but they did, and I think that hearing people say they do not hear the music now, outdoors it bothers me a little. One of my friends sister said that if she marries Nick suicide. A little eccentric? I think so.
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